Changing of the Seasons

Here in the gloriously bipolar state of Colorado, it’s typical fall weather: pretty orange leaves on 10,000 different types of trees, cloudy and grey skies, a bit of a chill in the air, and it looks like it could snow at any minute…but it won’t. Yesterday it was 70 degrees outside, and my boyfriend’s sister and I went to a haunted corn maze in the evening (which was SO EPIC, by the way!) without completely freezing our asses off. TODAY…Colorado is in a bad mood and is contemplating some variety of self-harm, but isn’t sure.

Ironically, even though this kind of weather is super gloomy and kind of depressing, especially since I almost certainly have seasonal affective disorder (whose hilarious acronym is SAD), it is also inspiring to me. I can feel a change in my perspective every time the weather changes. In the winter…things suck. I sleep a lot more, I’m depressed and prone to yelling and/or crying for no real reason, until the relief of the holidays comes and goes…and then I’m an emo kid again. xD In the spring, things smell fresh, even though in Colorado we don’t really HAVE a spring. We have giant death storms of snow, which then melt the next day in the 75 degree beautiful weather just in time for Easter, causing flash floods across the state’s many wildfire burn areas, and then the next day it’s 20 degrees and all of the melted snow has turned into an ice rink. This day always happens on a Monday for commuting purposes. But no, really, spring is okay.

Summertime is when I always feel motivated to so something super exciting, like lose 20lbs or start jogging, or be more fun and go to concerts, and do things involving the outside. I think this stems from my childhood…obviously most kids have the entire summer to goof off and so they try to make it as fun as possible, but I also grew up in the mountains, and it was absolutely beautiful up there. I was always outside, and there wasn’t really any place you could GO to do stuff, unless you were old enough to drive downtown or could persuade your parents to take you there. So, you had to get kind of creative. xD Plus…SUNLIGHT. It doesn’t get dark until 9pm in the summer…SO MANY ACTIVITIES.

But even though I love summer, autumn is my absolute favorite. Though it precedes the most hideous season of all time, I love the slight change in temperature…too warm for a coat, but just right for a sweater and jeans without sweating to death or freezing. I love the way that the leaves smell and the colors of them, and I definitely don’t mind a gloomy day without rain or snow. It gets quieter in the fall, and you can almost feel the anticipation in the air as pretty much everything prepares for the apocalypse…I mean winter. It’s a time of reflection where I feel most like myself, where I don’t feel like I really HAVE to do anything, unlike in the other seasons where I feel like I either must take advantage of the awesome weather, or prepare for the holidays, or wake up an hour early for work just in case I have to tunnel out of the snow around my house in the morning. Also…PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. Pumpkin coffee, pumpkin dip with graham crackers, pumpkin cream cheese, pumpkin scones, pumpkin pie, pumpkin pumpkins…love them, but that word is infuriating. I always feel so much more inspired this time of year!

This is Rockin’ ROBEEERT. He is a pumpkin.

Also, I listen to a lot of My Chemical Romance and revel in awesome emo-ness, without actually being sad. Does that even make sense?

I realize that this post isn’t really going anywhere, but the point is that the seasons of the year are all obviously quite different, but even without their obvious traits, you can still feel it in the air that they’re changing, and I don’t know about you guys. but at least for me, it changes my perspective of the world around me and of myself depending on which season is happening. I’m like a woodland animal…only instead of stashing away nuts or hibernating, my innate wilderness instincts tell me to paint and stuff.

So…I’ve been avoiding my blog.

As I was procrastinating today on the Internet after a particularly long tattoo session on my boyfriend’s sister before she goes to be stationed in Japan for two years, I once again found myself drawn to the ever-amazing Hyperbole and a Half. It fills me with joy. xD I was there looking for a particular picture to help my friend visualize me crawling on the floor towards my laundry in a bout of laziness (which I found), and then I began reading one of my favorite posts, entitled ‘This is Why I’ll Never Be an Adult’.

When I first read it a couple years ago, I found the concept hilarious, and I loved her illustrations! Going back to it now, as an adult, with my own place, pets, and responsibilities…it all became clear.

I get it. AND I AM THAT. Her post was accurate down to the nachos, which I found myself eating for breakfast alongside a piece of pumpkin pie, because, as I mentioned above, I was feeling so lazy that I couldn’t even put clothes away, let alone cook myself food. Plus, I didn’t want to mess up the kitchen counters that I had cleaned about 5 days ago…also I didn’t want to add another saucepan or skillet to the growing pile of non-dishwasher-safe dishes in the sink that I choose to not remember when I think about the nice clean counters.

 

Now to the point of this post. I read about a part that struck a particular chord with me: ┬áthe guilt that comes with shirking one’s responsibilities for so long that it feels worse to do them because you’ve waited so long than it does to continue shirking.

This is how I’ve felt about my blog! When I started it, I was all excited and felt responsible, knowledgeable, and hip! I was adding content daily, trying to adhere to the specific topic of art and imagination. Yeah well, HAVING IMAGINATION ALL THE TIME IS HARD. I bitch about it constantly at work, because I have to draw for other people day in and day out, and I rarely have time to be creative for myself. So who am I to preach to you guys about creativity?

I suppose at first, I had hoped it would inspire me to be more creative, posting things that inspired me, and that in doing so, I might inspire others so that they didn’t feel the same funk as I did when it came to having an imagination. Instead, I felt guilty when I had nothing to post. I felt guilty for not feeling in a creative mood. That’s stupid. I would get an urge to post…but then it would be off-topic, and I wanted my blog to have a purpose! A narrow, specific purpose that I could focus on. Yeah well, BEING FOCUSED IS STUPID. xD

…it’s not, it’s a good thing, but it’s really tough for me. You get what I mean.

Last time I kept a blog, I had a Livejournal. I posted on it every day because I was just speaking my thoughts, or I’d do one of those quiz things where it tells you what flavor of tea you’d be, or what element, or which bodily organ. I wasn’t restricted, and it felt great.

SO, I was thinking about taking this blog into a more natural direction, because I do want to keep doing it…and maybe THAT will keep my creativity up, and I won’t feel so pressed for time to write something prolific and meaningful any time I post. Maybe I’m not ready for a super adult, focused blog yet.

What do you guys think? What kind of blog do you have, and how do you maintain yours? Is it stressful or relaxing, time-consuming?