At a Crossroad

I know I probably don’t have enough readers that actually follow on my life, since I haven’t gone super serious about blogging yet, but NONETHELESS HERE IS AN UPDATE. xD

First off, I’ve been doing college part-time still, and I’m taking one class this semester. It’s actually on campus, which is the reason behind only having one (the time constraint, plus the fact that summer classes are MADDENING and I had no idea of this…=D), but it’s my Introduction to Multimedia Graphics class, which is the one that I’ve been looking forward to ever since I started taking classes.

All I have to say is…it is AWESOME.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very uninspired artwise, in the saddest possible way. For example–normally, I revel in the concept of doing a fully custom tattoo, like the “vanity” sleeve that I’m supposed to be designing that features perfume bottles, makeup, mirrors, and jewelry. It’s an idea I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do, and now someone is finally into it…but right now, the concept of trying to be original and creative seems so hard that I’m just writing this instead of actually doing it. I’m so used to doing designs for other people, or designs created or brought in by other people, that the concept of having a creative thought of my own has seemed impossible. Granted, I’ve been trying–my last work, a couple months ago, was this greyscale elven girl:

ForestAngelAnd then of course, I designed the humanatee, but I haven’t done anything with him yet because I lost my groove. So I’m trying, but it took me SO LONG to do that portrait up there that it was ridiculous. Essentially, I’m pretty sure that my work atmosphere, i.e. working in the same little spot for three years, with the last two of them being predominantly by myself trying to entertain myself and not having any other artists around for inspiration or to help me improve, has made me a little stagnant. This stagnation is what motivated me to go to college in the first place and pursue a degree in graphics design.

Now, college has been AWESOME because even though when I’m at work, I feel about as creative as a flake of poo on a cement sidewalk (the amount of time it took me to even think of this is embarrassing. I don’t know why I’m even telling you that, because that metaphor wasn’t even THAT GOOD), when I go to my class, I feel inspired. I feel an urge to improve, and I thrive off of the feeling of learning this new set of skills. I feel proud of my work, motivated, and challenged. It might take a bit of effort to bring back my creativity into my tattoo career right now, but I feel that being in college has been really helping at least bring back the feeling of inspiration enough to actually try towards it.

And the worst part is, when I DO feel a little bit of inspiration to do something creative…I’M ALWAYS FUCKING BUSY. It’ll be in the middle of a tattoo, or when waiting on a client, or 30 minutes before work, etc. I love my job, and I love what I do for people, the amount of involvement that it takes, and the final result…but Jesus Christ, I feel like ALL I do is basically work. The fact that my boss and I are the only two people here amplifies this feeling. I took a day off for my boyfriend’s and my fourth anniversary last week; it was the first day that I’ve actually requested off since his birthday in the beginning of July (when we had another person to cover for me) and probably the 4th or 5th day this entire year that I’ve asked off–and my boss gave me joking shit for it later because I “don’t want to work” and we have to close the shop when I take a day off. Note that I had actually spent the 3 previous Saturdays coming in early to cover for my boss so he could go hunting. Also note that I’m pretty sure that since July, I’ve been busier than my boss. No pressure though…50% commission is enough to basically run someone else’s tattoo shop for 40 hours a week, right? ._.

I feel stuck sometimes. Sometimes, all I want is to curl up with one of my favorite books, or break out the painting supplies, or try to draw a comic or create an original character, like Hugh the Humanatee. But who has time for that? WHO I ASK? Not me…because I have to work at weird times that take up a large portion of the day, and I have to do other adult stuff like buy groceries, and feed the pets, and pick up the socks from the living room. The only time I would have to paint would be in the creatively desolate wasteland that is the tattoo shop.

On the plus side, I’ve found the time to take Krav Maga fighting classes, which has been AMAZING for my energy levels and my desire to move around instead of just sitting on the couch playing Candy Crush. xD

So yeah…right now I believe I’m at a crossroads in my life, where I need to take control and do something about my lack of creativity and enjoyment of one of the things that usually brings me the most joy. I commend you for reading this long blob of words, and if you sparse readers out there have any commentary about your own life’s crossroads, I welcome it!

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